Dieting sucks....being fat sucks more

I am fat. There is no denying it. I am fat. Actually I might even be considered obese. Oh fuck it, I AM considered obese, there is no "might" about it.

This is not new. Once I got engaged in 2004 I started to gain weight. "I have a man, I can no longer need to worry about my weight". That led to "I am a married woman, who cares what I weigh"! Then of course was "I am pregnant! The baby NEEDS fajitas and chocolate ice cream. The baby complains if he does not get donuts! And classic Coke. Its FOR MY BABY!".

Then the baby comes and I am left with this fat mess, but now its even better. Because now it has STRETCH MARKS! A bonus. Because what I have going on here is not NEARLY hideous enough, lets make it worse. And yes, hell yes the baby was worth it. But I still have the right to complain. In fact, I will NEVER give up my right to complain about anything. Ever.

So then I get rid of the husband (YAY ME!) and since I have a young child who eats formula and baby food, I am "forced" to eat junk food, because really, who the hell likes to cook for one? Sure as shit not me.

Now its 2 years later and I keep buying new clothes. And not in the fun way. In the I am too fat to wear the 7 (yes, SEVEN) pair of jeans in my closet, so I get to go to "that" (read: FAT) section of the store and get fat jeans. You know, the kind with LYCRA in them. Yeah, those. And I only buy one pair because I am still convinced I will wake up one morning a size 10 again. I am actually quite pissed off that has not happened yet. I mean, what the fuck? All that "When you wish upon a star" is obviously bullshit.

end rant. (for now at least)

So last week I decide enough is enough. If only I could have someone say "This is what you eat for breakfast, lunch, etc". Then I remember Nutra System. I had half-assed done it last year and it worked. But I was still in my "whatever" stage, so I quit. Well, I am quite determined to do it this time. Rather than say I will do it until I lose 40 pounds, I have decided to take a month at a time. The food arrived today. One month of meals (b'fast, lunch, dinner and deserts) for a month. It fits into two of my kitchen drawers. Its going to suck I am sure, as I love food. I get excited about where to eat lunch at 9 am. But I WILL do this.

Oh, did I mention that to further torture myself I also joined the gym!? Yeah, I will go 3-4 days a week. It will suck. I HATE, HATE exercise. I loved playing sports in high school, but plain exercise...fuck that.

Monday is D-Day. Start day. Starve day. I cannot wait. (If you believe that well...your a moron.)